Who Do You Blame?

After writing about blame last month, I started noticing even more just how prevalent blame is in everyday conversation. I am more convinced than ever that blaming others is one of the primary ways we distract and limit ourselves. And here is the thing: Not blaming does not mean the other person did not contribute to the problem. But from a forgiveness perspective, focusing on who is to blame is a dead end. Blame and fault-finding do not lead to good solutions, and they do not lead to love or enlightenment!

As we make plans for the upcoming winter/holiday season, it is a good time to contemplate our patterns of blame. What do you still blame your parents for? Or your partner? Who else in your family do you blame, and for what? Which friends or community members consistently trigger you?  Here is my ‘blame challenge’ for you:  Select one person you have blamed in the past, acknowledge that you have been blaming them, and see if you are willing to stop blaming them.  If the answer is yes, congratulations!  If the answer is no, what is standing in the way?

I’ll leave you with this simple, inspiring poem by San Francisco artist and poet Kytha Gernatt (www.kythagernatt.com):

Sorry I blamed you
anybody, everybody
including
and especially myself.
Honestly,
who hurt who first doesn’t even matter.
It’s all inflamed now, can we just agree on that?
And can we commit to the calming?
Will you? Will we
save our lives for the living?
I will begin by relaxing.
I will begin by forgiving.